Confusion !

I made a conscious effort to make this post as short as possible. I haven't included citations, quotes from some personalities who, according to my perception are intelligent. If this post looks long to you then I am sorry and go away. I cant make it shorter than this. This post is for my personal reference only and does not talk about anything interesting. If you don't have extra time to waste then please leave this page immediately for your own welfare.
So here it goes, whenever I try to analyze myself and the system in which I am living, I get confused, I feel like,what the hell is happening with me, what kind of person I am. What type of society I am living in. I don't have a clear cut idea of almost anything. I am confused, and here is the gist for few of my confusions.
confusion#1 "God, religion and all"
I don't know whether I am an atheist, theist or Agnostic, but it seems my thoughts puts me closest to a definition of agnostic. Religion is something which I think a lot about and at the end of day I become more confused. Why do people believe in God? My perception is that because people don't want to take a chance, they want to be on safer side, if by chance GOD exists then he may punish him/her for denying the existence of almighty. Nobody wants to take risk by
annoying omnipotent, almighty God. But you said he is always helpful, always does good. He is interested in welfare of humanity, life and nature in any form. Oh cm on! even if GOD exists, then by your own definition, he is not going to punish you, so be bold and don't follow something just for the heck that everybody else is saying its there, if you have sufficient proof to believe, then alright, best of luck, don't bother me. I will find myself as you found it and don't force your experiences on me. I don't see any reason to believe that you are more capable than me in finding out this truth.Yes, because the background is different. The background is the only thing that can express itself. What else is there? My expression of it is the background: how I struggled, my path, the path I followed, how I rejected the paths of others -- up to that point I can say what I did or what I did not do -- so, that did not help me in any way. one of the most popular reasons why people believe in GOD is because they are damn sure that they have got many favors from GOD which reinforces there belief that God exists. Absurd, totally absurd, do you know,if some event has probability 0 of its occurrence then it doesn't mean it may never occur, it can, but I am sure it also doesn't infer that GOD exist.It looks I have more inclination towards not believing in GOD but I don't have enough reasons and proof for it. To be on safer side (its natural human tendency) I currently pretend myself to be an Agnostic, If God exists then, Oh almighty! please ignore my ignorance, I never said you don't exist, and if God doesn't exist then its cool I dint do anything to satisfy God, my precious time was not wasted in doing it.Voila!! I am confused but on safer side. Maximizing gains is aim of all the businesses we do and I am simply doing that.
confusion#2 "How to behave or live in society"
Broadly speaking there are three school of thoughts on "how to behave or live in society". First one says, do whatever your heart says, never think about right or wrong, self love is the only love. you got it! I am talking about objectivism, the philosophy made popular by Ayn Rand. I have two doubts abouts this philosophy, first of all it is impractical and difficult to practice unless you are a sage and living in Himalayas. If one claims to be normal person, living in a social system and also claims that he follows objectivism then at best he may be called a hypocrite, and according to me, he is making a wasteful, infertile attempt to gain liberation by fooling himself. Also one of the downsides of objectivism is that it will make society too boring and mechanical. That's not how we want world to be. Imagine a situation in which everybody loves himself and do whatever he wants. Is this interesting to you? Not to me. How boring !
The basic principle of objectivism lies in objective reality. generally objectivists don't believe in God or supernatural. they authorize themselves the prophet of reason, truth and reality. Alright. that sounds cool and I will make you happy by saying that you belong to a cult and I will also accept that it endorses my current state of confusion and satisfies me by saying that you are not thinking something too odd. Then the question comes, why don't I label myself as a objectivist? here is the answer from the church of reality.
"Unfortunately however, much of objective philosophy extends beyond the concept of objective reality (feature creep), and under the banner of Objectivism Ayn Rand extols the virtues of being selfish, greedy, and all but worships capitalism. At the same time, Altruism is described as "evil", as culture Objectivists look down their noses at generosity, giving, sharing, selflessness, and community concepts. Objectivists claim to be rugged individualists and advocates of
individual freedom. I also support individuality and individual freedoms, however I don't see community as the opposite of individuality. Objectivists are not entirely monolithic in their beliefs. One Objectivist named David Kelly wrote an article titled Generosity and Self-Interest where he acknowledges that "dichotomy between self-interest and generosity is a false one." However, Objectivism has been called an Unlikely cult because the Ayn Rand
followers have adopted her personality quirks which includes extreme arrogance. I would hope that we learn from this".
second school of thought says, "think good, be good, do good". I don't have enough time to think what is good so please go to hell or heaven but don't trouble me or yourself by telling what is good.
There is third school of thought which says live life as it is, don't think too much about it, enjoy every moment of it. what a crap! I am a thinking human being and God(if it does exist!) has given me some brain so please don't tell me that I can follow this path. Its out of scene.I may be insane but I claim to have my mind. I don't endorse objectivism, totally disapprove "think good, do good, be good" policy and I am not lame enough to accept "don't think" attitude. It looks like I am ineligible to join any of the schools, I am confused, what will happen to my career without a degree :(
Confusion#3 "Capitalism vs Socialism"
Although in its pure form, both capitalism and socialism endorses philanthropy and altruism and both are based on the basic principle to make a happy social system. No matter how much one blames other but in my opinion both of them are good in their ideal form. But in practicality there are large differences between the two.Practical capitalism does good job when there is good regulatory mechanism to check its misuse by certain individuals or organisation with vested interest and exploiting the herd mentality.But its too big an assumptions and I don't think currently we have enough capability to device such mechanism. So called "Land of opportunity" I am not happy to see you as a model of capitalist state, you are the biggest exploiter of the world and its resources. Also you are the most selfish and destructive model one can think of. Stop being snob and looking down at other less privileged one. Unfortunately everyone sees you a model to emulate which is not so good. you are presenting a bad example to follow.
I have no doubt in my mind that Socialism as a concept looks attractive but I have a firm belief that in its pure form its not implementable and its implementable version is too far from the concept that it becomes more exploiting and bad than capitalism. None of the concept is capable of making a happy social system. Its better to find a balance between the both. I don't see this happening anywhere in the world so I am confused that if someone wants to make the world happier place! Everyone has their rigid thoughts and they are following the books which they liked most, even if the principles in that book is not helpful or capable of achieving something good. Thank you! Marx, Engels. I am convinced that your ideas were good but I am also convinced that they are of no practical use.
This is the topic which can be really long so I am ending it here without raising too many questions about both the systems.
lets have fun and enjoy confusion !